How to Talk to a Person with Bad B.O.

by Aimee Amodio | More from this Blogger

16 Jun 2009 04:07 PM

This may be a recurring nightmare among folks in management positions: a star employee has a problem with body odor... and it's up to you to talk to them. What do you say? How do you approach the subject tactfully? It's not an easy one.

Even for the people we hold closest -- family and friends -- it's not always easy to point out a flaw like body odor. I feel horrible suggesting that a friend needs a breath mint... yet I'd definitely want to know if I was the stinky one.

The approach is even more delicate when you aren't exactly friends. Commenting on someone's scent is a very personal thing. There's always the subtle and hopeful method: leave a stick of deodorant or a bar of soap as a "gift" on the person's desk. In my experience, the recipient of such a gift doesn't usually get the hint. You may actually have to sit down and talk about the body odor issue.

1. Make sure things are private. While the whole office may be aware of the smell, they don't need to be involved in the solution. You want to try to make sure the target is embarrassed as little as possible.
2. Think hard about "qualifiers" like "I don't want to insult you, but..." because that usually puts the other person in a bad place. If you start a sentence like that, I'm already anticipating the insult you say you don't want to deliver. Avoid the qualifiers if you can and get right down to business.
3. Think about the possible causes before you start the conversation. Is your coworker stinky after lunch because of something she eats? Does your coworker have a sweaty job where more deodorant might help? Is there a health issue causing the smell?
4. Think about possible solutions before you start the conversation. Maybe your onion-loving friend needs to keep a toothbrush or mouthwash at work. Maybe he can keep a stick of deodorant in his locker at work and reapply. A simple solution may be out there.
5. Practice a straightforward but gentle approach. "YOU STINK!" is not usually the best way to start this conversation. "Do you eat onions at lunch? Your breath is really strong in the afternoons. Would you like some gum?" That's gentle but straightforward, and will hopefully not mortify your coworker so much that she quits.
6. Don't make a huge deal out of it. Don't mention that other people have complained -- that will probably make the person feel worse, and may send them on a hunt for the culprit. Do point out that you want to make the workplace comfortable for employees and customers. Make the conversation as quick and gentle as possible.
7. Keep in mind that not everyone has the same view of hygiene. Some people wear their jeans a few times before tossing them in the wash, or don't wash their hair every day.

Most people don't WANT to smell bad. When something like this is pointed out, embarrassment will probably have them going overboard in the opposite direction. I read a blog post about a woman with a smelly coworker (somehow she'd been left with the responsibility of talking to him) -- the next day he was smelling like roses and asking her for a sniff-check just to be sure his new soap and detergent were working.

I'd be embarrassed if it happened to me, sure. But I'd rather know and have a chance to correct the problem... than be ignorant and wonder why everyone was avoiding me. Just like I'd want to know if I had spinach in my teeth before a big presentation!

So if you have to approach this subject with someone, turn it around and think of yourself first. Would you want to know? Would you want someone to point it out, or would you rather be the stinky office pariah? It's an awkward subject, but it needs to be addressed in a gentle but straightforward way.

Learn more about Aimee Amodio

Aimee is a fiction writer... dog lover... music lover...

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