Watching a Loved One Lose Time

by Aimee Amodio | More from this Blogger

25 Feb 2008 08:25 PM

When I started writing for the Families.com Health Blog, I was living with my grandmother and acting as one of her primary caretakers. Among a laundry list of other health issues, my grandmother has Alzheimer's disease.

In the three years I lived with her, my grandmother's disease seemed to progress quickly. She went from the occasional "senior moment" to more concerning behaviors like leaving the stove on, forgetting to take her medicine, and hiding her purse in strange places.

My grandmother has entered a new stage of Alzheimer's disease, one I call "losing time". You might call it living in the past, or forgetting the present. All of those terms are accurate. She has a great memory for things that happened fifty years ago, but can't recall things that happened five minutes ago.

The worst comes when she starts looking for people who are no longer with us. Lately, she'll wake up from a nap and search the house for her father (who died thirty years ago) and her mother (who died ten years ago). When reminded that they have both passed away, my grandmother will say something along the lines of: "I'm an orphan!" Or, "I'm all alone now!"

She doesn't seem to count her two children and four grandchildren. Or, for a moment, she just doesn't remember us.

I miss my grandmother -- the woman I remember from before the Alzheimer's disease started stealing her personality and memories. The one who acted as chaperone for my class trips (because both my parents were teachers them selves and were in school) and told off my fifth grade teacher because he dared to assume she couldn't keep up with the group because she was old. The one who went to every video store in town to rent The King and I after the theater we were watching it in caught on fire and I didn't get to see the end of the story.

She was an amazing woman. And now she's someone else. In her memory, she's losing time. In my present, I'm losing my super cool grandmother.

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bamon (6) 25 Feb 2008 10:28 PM

Aimee, thanks for sharing your story. My mom died from leukemia a year ago. It has been extremely difficult. My fiance's grandmother had Alzheimer's, so I've heard how gut-wrenching it is to watch a loved one slowly lose who they were.

Courtney Mroch (9169) 26 Feb 2008 09:04 AM

Aimee, your story brought tears to my eyes. My grandma also faded away from this disease. I lost her long before I actually "lost" her for good. And now my mom is showing the signs. What's troubling about that is she 20 years younger than Gram was. And Gram was more proactive about wanting to fight it. My mom refuses to try any of the meds or mind exercises. She's just giving up and struggling with depression and loneliness. (Other than my sister who lives near her in Denver, she has no one. Her brother lives in NJ and I live in TN so...)

I try to help when I can. Or, rather, when she'll let me. She doesn't want the help. Which makes it even worse. Anyway, thanks very much for sharing this. I related to it very much.

Aimee Amodio (11995) 26 Feb 2008 09:44 AM

Thank you both for your comments... it makes me sad to think of how many people out there are experiencing similar things. I know people are hard at work on new treatments (my grandmother got to be in a trial for a medication patch for Alzheimer's called Exelon) but it takes so long just to get something through the system. I understand that's for safety reasons, but still. It's frustrating.